I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
