last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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