At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
