I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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