bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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