i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize