I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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