went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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