Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
