I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think i have two assholes
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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