I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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