i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
