My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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