"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
