After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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