Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
