dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
