Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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