you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
