Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
