I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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