I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
