and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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