I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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