I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
