We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
