based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
