Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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