im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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