I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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