Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so let's talk penis.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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