The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
