I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
