I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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