The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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