Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
