We won't sleep together?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize