i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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