i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
