god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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