The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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