I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
