Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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