My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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