I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
