Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
