just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
