So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
