there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
