Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
