there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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