I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize