He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
worst night to have a conscience
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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