i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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