Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
