TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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