Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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