just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
