Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
